What is expected of me? I think I know. But really I don't. Not everyone tells me what they expect of me.
My mom has high expectations of me. She expected me to graduate high school with A's. After high school, she wanted me to go to university. After university is to get the good job (ie. accountant, lawyer, nurse, flight attendant). After the good job is the family with the two kids and a house before I turn 30. She also had the same expectations for my older sister. My sister followed that route. She had the A's, went to university, got the good job. (My mom doesn't know what my sister does, but knows it's a good job.) She has the 2 houses, 2 cars and 2 kids. Well, obviously I didn't go that route. I am 32 and none of that happened before I turned 30. Sometimes I am disappointed at myself for not achieving my mom's expectations. But I have to remember that it is my mom's expectations and not mine. I am me and my own person. Maybe I am carving my own way in life. My parents came from Vietnam many moons ago. These expectations are the 'ideal' lifestyle in their eyes. She thinks I will be successful if I achieve all of these expectations. Will I be successful in their eyes if I carved my own way in life? Maybe it's just a different route to get to the house and the car and the 2 kids? I am not sure how my sister feels. Does she feel like she lived up to my mom's expectations? Does she ever feel that she wanted to do her own thing and not follow my mom's expectations? If my sister didn't follow my 'mom's route', would my mom be disappointed that 2 of her daughters deviated from her expectations?
I was at my friend's birthday dinner a few weeks ago and we were talking about relationships and why they break down. We realized that one reason why they break down is because of expectations. I can say that this has happened to me more than once. The best way to prevent the relationship from breaking down is to communicate the expectations with the other person. I have created my 'ideal man' in my head. I then expected every guy I date to be like that. As I grow older I realized that every man is different. I have to differentiate from fantasy and reality. My 'ideal man' is fantasy. Guys I meet in real life is reality. What has happened previously was that they would do something that didn't meet my expectations and I would get mad at them. Then the relationship would spiral downwards from there. If the other person knows my expectations, then maybe there won't be many arguments. Maybe it's just easier to type this then to actually do it in real life. I have a really hard time communicating my feelings nevermind communicating my expectations.
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I have Asian parents too (obviously) and they also had so-called high expectations for me. They weren't thrilled at my choice for career way back when.
ReplyDeleteBut like you said, it doesn't really matter what they think or want, it's what YOU want to think or want.