Day 151: Miss America

Yesterday I watched Miss America. Yes, you heard me right. I stayed at home on a Saturday night and watched Miss America. I haven't watched it in a few years and wanted to see how it has evolved.

Miss America has been around for 89 years. A popularity contest for the young women of America. There was the evening gown competition, swim suit competition, talent competition, and interview competition. The evening gown competition had the contestants walk the stage in the gown of their choice. The swim suit competition had the contestants walk the stage in a bikini. It is the same style for all the contestants. For the talent competition, most of the contestants chose to sing. Some others chose to dance and play piano. For the interview competitions, they answered questions from visitors in Las Vegas. They are judged on their poise, confidence and talent.

In my personal opinion the interview competition should be more emphasized then the other competitions. I think the swim suit competition is useless. The only thing it showed for me was how fit the ladies are. They are all young women and are all fit. I think if they are going to wear an evening gown, it should represent their state. Does a Miss America really need to know how to sing or dance? Will they have to do any kind of performances around the country? The interview competition is important because it will show their poise, confidence, personality and uniqueness. When they tour the country, many reporters will ask them questions. They have to quickly think on their feet. Their writers will not be with them every step of the way. They also have to be up to date on all the current events. I like biographies. It would be great if there was a portion on the contestants' background or how they started in pageantry or interview questions they have completed with the judges (if there was one).

Day 150: "How does he get the girl?"

My friend asked me that after I told him about this guy I dated LONG LONG TIME AGO. The guy I dated didn't have a job, didn't drive and lived in Surrey. Every time if we went somewhere I had to pay and drive him. My friend was wondering how a guy like that manages to get a girlfriend. My friend said he has a job, drives and can't manage to find a girl. I think I fall into womanizer traps. Once they feed my ego, I come back for more. I get sucked in. Eventhough I know they are probably using the sames lines on others girls. I have to just not fall for it anymore.

There were some people I went to high school with that I wonder about. I didn't think they were good looking. They may have been the geeks in school. Some I thought were just weird and didn't get along with them. Because they were weird or geeky, I thought they would be the last to get married. I guess I shouldn't be the one to judge. They are now happily married and have kids. They have found their other half which appreciates their idiosyncrasies.

Day 149: My ideal proposal

"Yes! I will marry you!" One day those words will come out of my mouth to the guy that I think is the most wonderful guy in the world.

Every time when one of my friends get engaged, I love to hear how he proposed to her. I am waiting to hear how creative and unique the proposal was. If it was a good, unique and creative proposal, I am living vicariously through them. The more proposals I hear about, the higher my expectations of my own proposal.

Maybe it's only on TV where I hear about the crazy proposals? You know the airplane flying in the sky writing my name? You know about going to Maui and being on top of the mountain top and the sun setting? You know the cake with 'will you marry me?' on it? You know when I'm eating my dessert and when I get to the end and taking my last bite and it happens to be the one karat platinum diamond ring? You know about the birthday present in the huge box and you open it and there is another box and it goes on and on until you get to the ring box?

I would like it to be original, fun and crazy. But the most important thing is that he is sincere about his feelings for me and he wants to marry me because he loves me. He isn't marrying me for an ulterior motive. I know I have my quirks and I am not a perfect person. I think it would be great if he knew my quirks and my favourites things and incorporated in the proposal. I want it to be sentimental. I want to cry tears of joy. I want it to be a moment that I will cherish forever. I would it to be a story that I can share with my kids and their kids.

Day 148: The glass is half full

How do you see the glass? I guess it depends on what mood I am in. Today the glass is half full.

I went to the gym for a little bit today after work. I went to the newly renovated Mount Pleasant Community Center. The front desk lady told me the lockers are downstairs in the woman's bathroom and the fitness room is on the second floor. I said to her 'that's an adventure'. I meant that in a nice way not in a mean way. I didn't see it as a pain in the ass. I really did see it as an adventure. It was a new place for me. It would make sense for the bathroom and locker to be on the same level as the fitness center. Because it was a new place for me, I had to strategize on what to bring upstairs and what to lock up downstairs. I didn't want to lock anything up and realize later that I should've brought it.

I had a girls nite out tonight. My cousin joined me for dinner. We went to Hawkers Delight on Main and 28th. I have never been there before. It is super cheap and you get your money's worth. After dinner we headed to the pool hall. The pool hall is in Richmond tucked away behind a strip mall. At the pool hall, I was expecting one friend at 8 pm and another friend at 9pm. The 8pm friend showed up at around 8:30ish. By the time 9:30pm rolled around, the other friend didn't show up yet. I wasn't worried about her or really pissed that she didn't come. I didn't have her number so I tried emailing her to see if she was coming and what time she would be coming. I didn't get a response. My friend, cousin and I left the pool hall and headed to a dessert place on Alexandria St. When we got there, we unexpectedly saw some other friends. We sat and chilled with them for about an hour. It was fun! It was nice and relaxing. My cousin and I shared a green tea frozen yogurt with orea topping. If we waited and worried about my 9pm friend, we would've missed out on having fun with this group of friends.

Day 147: Susan Boyle and Paul Potts

I just caught the tail end of the documentary on Susan Boyle. I watched a documentary on Paul Potts.

The tail end of the show with Susan Boyle had her performing "I dream a dream" with the cast of Les Miserables. I think that was wonderful. Her dream was to sing in front of an audience. She did that. Right after her first audition, she almost walked off the stage before the judges could comment on her performance. She achieved her dream and didn't care about their comments.

Paul Potts is a similar story to Susan Boyle. He was a cellular phone salesman. One day at work he was surfing online and accidentally found the Britain's Got Talent website. He tossed a coin and if it was heads he would submit an application to be on the show. Obviously, he filled the application and made it to the audition for the show. I watched his first round on the show. It was amazing. From his first impression, I didn't expect much. But when he started to sing, I felt like someone was squeezing my heart and making me cry. His singing was so emotional for me. I don't usually like opera. I think most people dont listen to opera either. But they like him and his songs enough to buy his album. He has sold more than 2 million albums worldwide. After he won the show in 2007, he has preformed to worldwide audiences.

The lesson to be learned in these stories is that you can live your dream at any age. Susan is 48 years old. Paul is 40 years old. They both showed determination and a love for their dream. Maybe its also a bit of luck and opportunity?

Day 146: Nutrition and your mood

I hear over and over that I need all my vitamins and nutrients. I do realize that I don't get enough vitamins. I know that each vitamin has it's own function.

There was an article on how nutrition effects your mood (http://www.theprovince.com/health/yourself+happy+possible+author+says/2468327/story.html). I didn't realize they were that important to my diet. I took the mood cure quiz (http://www.theprovince.com/health/Take+mood+quiz+discover+which+amino+acids/2468381/story.html). From that quiz, I found out that I am low on serotonin, catecholemines and endorphins.

I think my feeling of lack of passion and enthusiasm comes from a lack of catecholemines. I just have to eat more scrambled eggs, chicken breast or low fat beef patty. I also have to exercise more. Seems simple enough? We just have to wait and see...maybe I will put updates on my Health and Wellness blog.

Day 145: Avatar

I finally watched Avatar in 3D. I got to see what the hype was all about. I haven't watched a 3D movie for a really really long time in Vancouver. It was a whole different experience. I saw the trailer a few months ago. It didn't really appeal to me. I think it was all the hype and the awards it got which made me want to see the movie. It was a Friday when we watched the movie. My friend got the tickets in the afternoon. Like a typical Friday night, the movie theater was packed.

It was a great movie. I heard that the movie was 2 hours and 45 minutes long. It was 3D for the whole movie. The acting was good. The graphics were stunning. There wasn't a moment in the movie where I was bored or fell asleep. Which means it was a good movie, it kept me awake thru the whole movie. The animals on the island are really ugly. But I was told the movie isn't about cute fluffy animals. I really like the fact that some of the plants glow in the dark. I also liked that there was a love story. I think they purposely made the ending of the movie open for a sequel.

Day 144: I love my iphone!

I got my iphone a few weeks ago. Telus called me to remind me that my contract was up and it's time to renew. The only reason I renewed with them was because they gave me a good deal on my data and phone plan.

I am still trying to figure out how my iphone works. There are so many things you can do. Of course I can use it as a phone. I can use the internet on it. I can check my mail and use Facebook and MSN. It is so mobile. It's my mini portable computer. I can use it anywhere, of course not while driving ;) I have used it in my car, while it is parked of course. I find I don't need to use my computer as much anymore.

There are so many apps. I use the Maps pp very frequently. Now I can't use the excuse that I got lost! I can check the weather for Vancouver and Chicago instantly and for the week too. Some apps really help me with my bucket list. I have the Nike + ipod app which can help me with my workouts, when I start working out. I can use the blogPressLite app to write on my blog anytime anywhere. I haven't used it yet because I'm still using my computer to write on my blog. I want to learn to play the piano so I downloaded Virtuoso. It's a virtual piano. I guess its as close as I will get to my own piano. I want to be a better pool player so I downloaded some virtual pool games. I downloaded them today so I'm still getting used to how to hit the balls on an iphone screen.

Day 143: My glasses

I am wearing my glasses this week. I usually wear disposable contact lens. I ran out of them. On Saturday night when I was taking one of them off, I dropped it in the sink. It's not so good to put it back in your eye. Your eye can get irritated from the tiny dust particles. I'm going to get my eyes checked next week. I think it just makes sense for me to wait to see if my prescription changes before I purchase new contact lens.

I usually don't wear my glasses. I wear them at night when I take my contacts off. I would wear them once in a blue moon out or to work. I feel like a different person when I'm wearing my glasses. I feel smarter. Maybe I feel like a librarian or something? I know people make judgments quite quickly. When I wear my glasses, people may think I'm nerd? Well, most people already think I'm smart just cause I'm Asian. They usually ask me if I went to UBC or SFU. I think I surprise them by saying 'neither.' I'm sorry I'm not your stereotypical Asian. I'm not that book smart (maybe one day). I don't play badminton or volleyball (or any other 'Asian' sports). I don't watch Chinese movies (I used to when I was younger but not anymore.) I am a horrible singer, hence I don't like hanging out at karaoke places. I do like my bubble teas.

I find wearing glasses can be a bit challenging. When I lye down on my side, I have to take off my glasses or else it gets really uncomfortable. I wanted to do some hot yoga this week. I realized that my glasses will get steamed up and I won't be able to follow the teacher because I won't be able to see them. At work I use a headset to answer phone calls. The glasses get in the way when I'm putting on and taking off the headset.

Day 142: Me? A better pool player?

My bucket list item #21 is to 'be a better pool player'. Tonight I went out with my friend to where his pool league plays. They play at a different pool hall every week. Tonight they were playing at Q Zone beside the Marine Pub. I am thinking it's a good opportunity to practice my pool game. I used to play pool very often, as much as 4 times a week at one point. Now, it's not as much. In the last year, I think I went less than 10 times. I am too lazy sometimes to go play especially when it is raining and cold outside. That kind of weather just makes me want to stay home and stay warm.

Before the tournament started I had some food and I was sitting at a table with a member of another team. I was just chit chatting with him and I found out that he is a pool teacher. He has his own pool school and has his own tables to teach on. I found that quite interesting. I never knew there is such a thing as pool school. I am thinking this is a great way for me to improve my pool skills. I find learning to play pool is similar to learning swimming. I can hang out with people who know how to do it but the problem is that they don't know how to properly teach me. I have been playing pool for years and slowly improving. I am sure if I was properly taught, I can improve quickly. If I want to be really good at it, it's going to take a lot discipline and dedication.

Day 141: Men and women (part 1)

"Here is all you need to know about men and women. Men are dumb and women are crazy. The reason women are crazy is because men are dumb."

I was having dinner with my friend the other night and we were talking about men and women. I realized that the reason why my relationships don't work / last is because of major miscommunication. I have always thought it was my way or the highway. I did realize that I have that view is because I get that from my mom. Once I realized that I have a communication problem, I have tried to be a better communicator. I am not the best, but I am trying to be better. I am trying to see it from the guy's point of view. Sometimes I can't seem to understand it (refer to Day 127: boys confuse me - http://l-ha.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-127-boysguysmen-confuse-me.html). It helps when I talk to my male friends and they help me decipher things.

I have realized that I am a bad liar. I don't like lying and liars. I prefer to not associate with them. If you think I am lying, call me on it, I will spill the truth. Since I am a bad liar and the truth will set you free, I prefer to be honest. I used to be too honest and have 'foot in mouth disease'. It's a bad Sagittarius trait. I would tell people what I think and it would hurt their feelings. Now I learned to bite my tongue and not say everything on my mind.

Day 140: Know your limit

I guess I sound like the lotto commercial. But I'm not the commercial.

I went to yoga today (http://lisahealthwellness.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-19-yogacara.html). I pushed my limit and did too much spinning. I knew my limit but I pushed myself. I was paying for it the rest of the night. I laid down for a few hours to stop the spinning. I even skipped dinner because I didn't feel that dinner would stay down. I finally ate something at 10pm.

I guess it's the same with anything you do. If it doesn't feel right, you should stop. Don't push yourself because you may pull something or get sick.

Ok, I'm feeling a bit sick. Thats it for me for tonight.

Day 139: What is the difference between you and the person you admire?

Who do you admire? Why do you admire them? What is their most admirable trait? Are you the only one that admires them or are their millions of others?

The person I admire most is Oprah (like you didn't know that already). I admire her because she made an empire from humble beginnings. She wasn't born into money. She earned her way up the ladder. She has so many traits in a human being that is admirable: humble, influential, dedicated, persistent, integrity, honesty, independent, etc. I am not the only one that admires her. She has millions and millions of viewers / followers. I think her most admirable trait is dedication. She is dedicated to improving her life through a healthy lifestyle. She is dedicated to helping others through her Angel Network.

There are many differences between me and Oprah. I don't have my own talk show. I am not as influential as her. I do not have millions of followers. I do not have my own radio show.

I am wanting to go to Chicago to see her show. I would LOVE the opportunity to talk to her. I would love to see what kind of person she really is. I only get to see her from her talk show and her magazine. I will really be disappointed if she is a phoney. I want to know what keeps her going and keeps her dedicated. I am sure there are days where she doesn't feel like getting up or she is feeling down. What keeps her motivated? How and when she decided to own an empire? What is the best advice for someone who wants to follow in her footsteps?

Day 138: Sleep

"Sleep is important for concentration, memory formation and the repair of damage to your body’s cells during the day. Chronic lack of sleep increases the risk for developing obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disease and infections."

As I get older, I realize I need more sleep. My ideal amount of sleep is nine hours a night. On a work night, I usually get 5-6 hours of sleep. On Sundays, or on a day off, I would finally catch up on my nine hours of sleep. Waking up after nine hours I feel very refreshed and ready to conquer the day. A few years ago I tried to go to sleep early to get my maximum amount of sleep per night. That didn't last very long. I always think that sleeping at 10-11pm is too early. But I should be sleeping at that time to get my optimum amount of sleep.

If I get less than 5 hours of sleep a night, I feel like a zombie. I am dragging my body around. My brain is in 'half asleep' mode. When customers talk to me, I am at 50% (or less) concentration level. If I get 5 hours of sleep or less a night for about 3 or 4 nights in a row, I start to feel sick. My body aches and starts to feel weak and I may get the sniffles.

There are many distractions that keep me up. The TV and internet are the biggest culprits. If there is a show that is on that is interesting I'm going to watch that first, then write on my blog then go to bed. By the time the show ends, it's 11:30pm (or later). I sometimes go out with friends and don't get home till late. Depending on how late it is, I write on my blog. If I'm out too late at a party, then I won't be writing on my blog. If my blog doesn't make sense or is full of grammatical errors, its because I'm writing it late at night and my brain isn't functioning properly.

Years ago, when I was young and spunky, I had lots on the go and didn't get enough sleep. I was going to school and work. I was going out late / staying up late. At one point I was helping my friend dog sit for a month. During that month, I didn't get very much sleep. I went to sleep at about 2 am. I had to wake up at about 6 am to walk the dog. When I went out to places with a couch or when I have to sit for a long time, all I can think about is sleeping.

Day 137: Faith / religion

Am I religious? I wasn't brought up in a religious household. My mom was brought up with Buddhist beliefs. She never really push Buddhism on me when I was growing up. My mom still follows the Chinese calendar and the special occasions and Buddhist special days. They aren't really holidays, they are only days you have to pray to your ancestors or days you should visit your ancestors at their grave sites.

I have a couple of cousins who are deeply religious. They read the Bible every day. They believe in contributing to their church in terms of volunteering their time or money. I went to my cousin's baptism and she made a short speech. It was about how she started going to church. Things were going downhill for her and she thought that church will help her with her situation. She has been going to church ever since. She is very happy about finding religion.

I guess it doesn't matter if it is Buddhism or Christianity or any other type of religion. It is about finding a higher spirit / being that is able to help you with your life. I haven't found that higher spirit for myself yet. I am wanting to learn more about Buddhism to see if it is right for me. I have read many articles on the power of prayer. If I don't believe in a higher power, who I am praying to? In yoga classes, there is a bit of 'prayers' in the beginning and the ending of class. It basically thanking the higher powers for the opportunity to do yoga together.

Day 136: Dealbreakers

Dealbreakers are situations in your relationship which will cause you to break up. This is very important and should be communicated early in the relationship. I then will be able to communicate with him what will send me off the deep end. Hopefully by the end of the conversation we will be on the same page and make the relationship work.

My friend and I were discussing this the other day. He likes to discuss dealbreakers early in the relationship. I have never had the discussion with a guy before. I have always let the relationship runs it course and let them figure things out along the way. I guess it was like a little guessing game. My way apparently doesn't work cause I'm still single. My friend has been in a few long term relationships and is someone who I should take advice from.

Some of my dealbreakers:
- if he cheats on me
- if he lies to me
- if he disrespects others (including my family and friends)
- if he gets jealous easily
(there's more but I can't think of them at the moment...maybe to be continued in another post?)

Day 135:Being "in the moment"

Being 'in the moment' ties in with stress. If I am stressed out, then it's very hard for me to be in the moment. When I'm doing one thing, my mind is focused on something else, including deadlines. Then I can't enjoy what I am doing.

Maybe it comes with age? Maybe its less stress? Maybe it's less activities? I have learned to slow down with what I do and enjoy what I'm doing. Even when I'm doing nothing and just watching TV, I can just enjoy my time of doing nothing.

I feel 'in the moment' when I am doing yoga. Maybe it's the whole process of the yoga experience? The teacher gets you to relax first and gets you to do some simple stretches. I don't wear a watch in yoga class. I know what time the class starts and ends. In class you have to pay attention to what the teacher is telling you because she is telling you how to do the poses correctly. The teacher also teaches us proper breathing techniques. Maybe because of all these instructions, I don't have time to think about anything else.

I don't know when the feeling comes. Maybe it is something you have to train your brain to do? Now, for me it just comes and when I realize I am 'in the moment' and I should enjoy it. At that moment, nothing matters except what I am doing. I am not in a rush to get anywhere. My mind isn't worrying about anything else.

Day 134: Stress

When I was younger I had a higher level of stress than I do now. My schedule was jammed pack with people to see and places to go. I was always on the go. Now my life has calmed down. I have tomorrow off (Monday) and I am in no rush to get anything done. I don't have any major deadlines for anything.

After high school it was about work and school. I was going to school to attain a certification of some sort. School is very stressful with all the homework and exams. Majority of my jobs I don't have to take home with me or work late at. The hours are consistent and I can make plans around it. Since I am finished school, I don't have to worry about homework and exams. My job is a 9-5 pm job that I don't have to take home with me.

I am not stressed over my financial situation. I was for a very long time. It took me forever and a day to pay off my student loan. I don't have any outstanding debts (ex. credit cards, line of credit). I live in the same house as my parents and pay minimal amount in rent.

I don't have any vices or addictions. I don't smoke or drink on a regular basis. I used to do a bit of gambling. That was stressful. I was spending more and more money. I quit gambling because I ran out of money. I didn't want to borrow money off people I know. Then it would become a vicious cycle of lies and deceit. Also at that time I was dating someone who was a gambler. He always asked for money and, of course, it went to gambling. I guess it was double stressful for me cause I was gambling and dealing with a gambler. I never had a drug addiction. I experimented with drugs.

Day 133: Negative demons / positive angels

I am not sure what the technical terms are. What I do know is that its there in my head and it effects my life.

It effects my self worth and self esteem. My negative demons says stuff like 'you are not worth it', 'they don't like you', 'don't do it', etc. It is hard to go forward when you have someone holding you back and that 'someone' is yourself. I guess life wouldn't be challenging enough if there was nothing holding you back.

The negative demons come out especially after a breakup. The demons say stuff like 'you did this wrong', 'you did that wrong', 'it was your fault for the breakup', 'he would like you more if you did this or that', etc. You think about all those points and maybe think 'he' is right. If you think 'he' is right, it will take so much longer to get over it. The relationship is done and you can't change it now. If you keep on dwelling on 'what if', there will never be space in your heart for someone else.

Maybe you have to get your 'positive angel' out. You are you. No one else is like you. As I get older I have made decisions on what I like and don't like. My positive angel is supportive of my decisions. If I decide to do something, my positive angel will say things like 'go for it', 'you deserve it', 'you are worthy enough' etc.

Things get confusing sometimes. Both of them fight in my head (like Herman's Head). You make the final decision on who to listen to. My final decision depends on how I am feeling at that moment. If I'm feeling crappy, I will listen to the negative demon. If I'm feeling happy, then I don't even hear the negative demons. I am in my HappyLand and nothing else matters.
If I listen to my negative demons all the time, my life will be a life with no sense of purpose. I will not be focused on anything. I will emit negative energy and no one wants to be around someone with negative energy. I prefer to choose the positive angel.

Day 132: Restaurants part 1

This is a partial list of restaurants that I have never been to and would like to try.

Lift (Coal Harbour)

Brock House

Abigail’s Party

Delilah’s

The Flying Tiger

Marmalade

William Tell

Le Quercia

Society

The Diamond

Frenchies ! Montreal Smoked Meat

The Eatery

Trattoria

Players Chophouse

Saltlik

Alpha Global Sushi and Bar

Posh

Day 131: Reality 'love' shows

Do you think one can really find love on these reality shows? Is it immoral to be "going out" with fifteen people at the same time?

I don't watch these reality 'love' shows like the Bachelor or the Bacherlotte but I know the premises. In the Bacherlotte, the one gal gets to choose from 25 guys. I don't think it is immoral to be dating 25 guys at once as long as they all know that you are dating these other guys. I don't know how long they take to tape the season but I don't think I will be able to choose my life partner by the end of the season.

I don't think I would be able to find love on these reality show if I were the Bacherlotte. You have cameras staring in your face while you are on these dates. It is already hard going on dates with guys you hardly know and times that by 25 guys times that by the number of cameras in your face. It will be super hard to be natural. I find that on the first few dates, I'm still a bit uncomfortable and I'm not the 'real' me. I have to go thru that feeling 25 times in such a short period?

I can't help what feelings I have for someone. Sometimes the connection is there instantly. I may fall in love with someone in six months or with someone in three weeks. What if I fell in love with the first guy I date? What would happen to the rest of the 24 guys? I would still have to date them till the end of the taping. I would feel like things would be dragging on and on if I have to eliminate them one at a time. Or what about on the opposite side of the spectrum? What if I don't fall in love with any of the 25 men? Am I forced to pick one at the end? What if they propose on camera and do I have to break their heart and tell them I don't love them?

People are voyeurs. They like watching drama unfold in front of their eyes. Maybe they don't have crazy love lives where they get to date 25 men at the same time and want to watch someone who can juggle that. They also want the fairy tale ending. They are wanting the ending where the bacherlotte gets married to her last standing bachelor and live happily ever after with the house and the kids. Like I said in my last post, life isn't a fairy tale.

Day 130: Life's not a fairy tale

My niece loves Disney princesses. She loves watching the movies with the princesses and dressing up like them. She's 7 and all she wants is to be like one of those princesses when she grows up. In the movies, the princess is the damsel in distress and Prince Charming comes to rescue her. Ok in Aladdin, Jasmin is quite smart and Aladdin isn't exactly a Prince Charming but that's not the point...

I don't want to be the one to break the news to her. Life isn't a fairy tale (or maybe it's just my life isnt a fairy tale). My life isn't about running around in pretty dresses and pretending to be a damsel in distress. I don't know how my movie will end. I don' know if my Prince Charming will come and give me the most romantic kiss ever and we will instantly fall in love. Maybe I need to be a damsel in distress for my Prince Charming to come save me. The problem is that everytime someone who thinks they are the next Prince Charming comes along, I don't like them for one reason or another. Sometimes I think I found the next Prince Charming, but he has eyes for another princess. I don't think Disney had in mind how complicated things really are.

Day 129: Passion

Passion = a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything

I don't think I have my passion yet. Everything I do I do in mediocrity. There is no extreme emotional attachment. I am not sure if its my personality or I'm genetically wired that way.

I know a few people who have found their passion. My sister has a passion for photography. I know someone who has passion for rock climbing. I know someone who has a passion for movies (at the theatre and DVDs). They can spend all their waking time doing what they love. I admire them because they have found what they love to do. On the other hand, I think about if they love to do anything else. If they are spending all their time on this love, what about anything else..did they try everything else and this beats it out..or did they just tried this and start to love it right away..

When I was in Hawaii I saw a few people who are passionate about surfing. There was a pregnant lady surfing. My first thought is if it is safe for a pregnant lady to be surfing. She was 7.5 months pregnant. I guess she was getting in as much surfing as she can before she gives birth. Now that is dedication to surfing. The other person was also a surfer. I talked to him for awhile. He said he is a fisherman by trade. But he tries to spend as much time as he can surfing. He learned to surf when he was 13 and now he is 43. So after 30 years he still has this energy and extreme enthusiasm for surfing.

How do I live this life without passion..Its like living life with no purpose, kinda aimlessly. How do I find it...Would I stumble upon it..Will someone show me...I think thats where my bucket list comes into play. Its about trying new things and new adventures. Maybe I will find it after I finish my bucket list...Maybe I will find it before I complete my list and I won't have to finish my list...

Day 128: Break up lines

Break up lines that has been used on me:

I'm leaving the country.

Let's just be friends.

I want to date your best friend.

We are two different types of people.

Break up lines that I have used on guys:

You screamed your ex girlfriends name while we were in bed.

You like another girl. You should go spend your time with her.

We are two different types of people.

You spend more time on Facebook then spending time with me.

Day 127: Boys/guys/men confuse me

I just don't understand them. Maybe they are giving me hints and I should just learn to pick up on them quicker.

There was this one guy from the summer. We talked on the phone every night for a month. If I talk to someone for that long, I think it is going the direction of dating/relationship. We only hung out a few times. One time I brought him to a party. I know he drank a bit too much at the party. I saw him exchange numbers with another girl. I wasn't too impressed about that. I talked to him about that. He used the excuse that he was drunk. He did realize that it was an ungentlemanly and unrespectful thing to do. He broke up with his girlfriend a month before we started talking on the phone. He said he wasn't ready to get into another relationship. I don't understand why he was talking to me in the first place.

There was this other guy. I met him long time ago. Just recently he decided he wanted to hang out more. I asked him why he didn't want to hang out with me before. He said that we were from different sides of the tracks and didn't think we have much in common. He has changed quite a bit from when I first met him. We did hang out for a bit. Then he realized that we are still from different side of the tracks. I don' t understand why he wanted to hang out in the first place. Maybe it would've been better if we hung out as friends first to see if we were compatible.

If someone can please explain to me why guys are so confusing, that would be great.