Day 126: New Years Resolutions

Tomorrow night marks the end of 2009. What have I done and accomplished in 2009? What do I want to accomplish in 2010?

Going from 2009 to 2010 isn't a big deal for me. When I started my bucket list, it was like I was making resolutions already. I got an early start. Why should I start it right in January? I started it in July. One thing I want to add to my list is eating more healthy and more exercise. Yes, I know it is my new years resolution every year. I even started my Health and Wellness blog. I worked on it for about a week or two and I fell off the wagon. It's really hard to keep track of what I'm eating when I'm constantly eating out. When I eat out, I feel like I'm spoiling myself so I splurge on what I eat. I went to Hawaii and I didn't keep track of what I ate. It was about exploring different foods and enjoying them not restricting myself.

In terms of exercise, I want to do more yoga. I bought the yoga pass a few months ago. I used my yoga pass for the very first time this month. I am hoping to use it more in the new year. I want to go to as many of the yoga studios as I can before it expires in July. In conjunction with yoga, I can fill my time with more sporting activities. Maybe even hit the gym a few times this year?

I am not sure what 2010 has in store for me. I hope it is great and filled with fun and adventure.

Day 125: Relationships - part 2

My first ex boyfriend broke my heart. I realized it has been 15 years and I really need to let this go. Yes, he had a place in my heart. But it is time for him to move aside to make room for someone else. I was comparing every future boyfriend to this guy. That's what I was doing for years. No one compared to him. I think that's why the relationships never lasted. But I realized every guy is different. They have their own set of values, personalities, and previous experiences. I do have to accept the whole package.

I do have my list of what I am looking for in a guy (doesn't every girl?). Does a guy like that exist? I am not sure. Some qualities I don't really find out unless I have been dating them for awhile. Can I check off all the items on my list? If I don't, what item does he not meet? Is it really important? Is it worth breaking up for? I know it takes two to make a relationship work. I know it's a lot of effort. I have realized that if I don't keep my end of the relationship, it goes into shambles.

I have dated alot of idiots and losers. I know better now (at least I am hoping). I think that's how my list developed. By dating the idiots and losers I know what I didn't want in a guy. Now my list is really long. After breaking up with a guy, I would add an item or two into the list.

Day 124: "What I'd really like to be doing now is ________."

If money and time were no object...I would be chilling in a warm place deciding what my next adventure will be (either it be travelling or learning something new).

1) Travelling
Travelling is very tiring for me. It wears me out physically. But I want to see and hear different sights and sounds. I like to see how the locals live and the little nooks and crannies of the place. I don't mind seeing the regular / popular tourist attractions, which I should go see anyways.

2) Be somewhere warm (maybe even hot)
I have been to a few warm places (like Barbados and Hawaii). I get cold really easily and have to wear my 5 layers of clothes. I am not sure what it is internally that I can change to adjust my body temperature. If I live somewhere warm, I don't have to worry about my 5 layers of clothes and I get to wear my cute dresses.

3) Do something adventurous every day (or every other day or weekly, doesn't really matter the frequency)
Sometimes I don't think there is enough time in the day to do everything I want to do. It doesn't really help that half the year it gets dark at 5pm. I need to live somewhere that doesn't change time zones and stays warm all day. I have bad eyesight, especially in the dark. If I were to do something adventurous at nite, I may run the risk of killing myself.

4) Learning something new
I wanted to learn to swim. I started taking swimming lessons. I wanted to write. I took a creative writing course. I was thinking of taking Physics 11 or even Chemistry 11. There are free adult upgrading courses. Some people look at me really strangely at why I want to take those courses. My answer is simple: I didn't take them in highschool so I want to learn them. I think its fun to learn something new. I get to decide if I like it and continue with it or that I don't like it and never take it again. At least I tried it.

Day 123: I got skillz???

I was at my aunt's house tonight for Christmas dinner. My cousin and his wife just gave birth to twins. The twins are in the hospital because they were born prematurely. My other cousin and I went to see the babies' room. Another cousin said she wasn't finished painting the room. But we took a peek at the room anyways. One wall had a jungle scene. There was a tree branch, a lion and another animal. It was very cute. As we were walking out of the room I turn to my cousin and said 'I wish I had creative skills, like singing, dancing and painting.' She just looked at me with this confused look wondering why I said that. She said I have skills. She said I am good with interacting with people and remembering people's names. I gave her a confused look. I don't think those are special skills. I just thought those skills are skills that everyone else has. How can I differentiate myself if everyone has those skills also? Interacting with people is a skill? Maybe some people are better than others? Maybe that's why you get wallflowers at a party? I don't think I am a wallflower at a party but I am also not the 'life of the party'. I am in the middle, where I think most people are.

Day 122: Christmas Eve

Tonight we had dinner at my mom's cousin's house. I have never been there before. They had their house custom built. It is a very nice place. It is a three level house decorated with contemporary furniture.

There was so much food. There was garlic toast, salad, beef stew, bbq ribs, steak, shrimp pasta, potato salad and bean salad. For dessert, there was a tiramisu cake, fruit and homemade cream puffs. These are the best cream puffs I have ever had! My mom's cousin is the best at making the cream puffs. She learned to bake them from her mother in Vietnam. The filling isn't whipped cream like at the stores. It's more of a custard filling.

I was excited to go tonight because I would be seeing some cousins that I don't see very often. I wasn't sure who was coming. My mom has a large family. She has lots of cousins. It's the second cousins who are around my age which I wanted to see. Some have kids and I haven't met their kids before. My cousins and I hung out with some second cousins who are girls. They are in their late teens. When they were younger it was hard to hold a conversation with them. It didn't seem like I had much in common with them. Now since they have grown up a bit, it is much more fun to talk to them. We talked about boys, relationships, stalkers and clubbing. At one point there were two male cousins who joined our conversation. They gave us their two cents on stalkers and relationships. One thing I learned from the conversation tonight was that young teen boys are sensitive and emotional and expect the girls to ask them out. That is so different from when I was a teenager. Boys were more tough and they asked the girls out.

Day 121: Spontaneous

Some people like to be spontaneous. Some people are scared of change and don't like to be spontaneous. I would say I am 70% spontaneous. I can't say 100% because sometimes I just don't feel like being spontaneous. I may not be in the mood to go out. Maybe I'm too tired. There has been times when someone calls and asks if I would like to go out that nite. If I have no plans, I would go out with them. If it's something I don't feel like doing, I will not go with them.

I like being spontaneous. It's fun. You never know what adventures you get yourself into. Sometimes I am out doing something but then it leads to another fun activity. I am out to find my life's purpose and passion in life. I will not find it if I sit at home all day. Maybe I will get inspired by watching all the TV shows? I would rather get out there and experience life. I do like to plan my schedule sometimes. It gives me an idea of the activities that will be happening. If there isn't anything scheduled, I'm up for being spontaneous. Ideally, I would like to find a guy that is open and accepting of my spontaneity. I don't think it would be good if I dated someone is as straight as an arrow and never wanting to try anything different.

Day 120: Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a trait that is very admirable in a person. I have read where people have forgiven others for the most heinous crimes. I have heard that you have to learn to forgive someone for you to move on your life. It's easy for me to forgive if it is something menial. If it is a complicated situation, I don't know if I will be able to forgive that easily. I think time heals. Do I really want to carry on the anger and spite inside of me? If I do, how long will I carry it on for? Every time I think of the situation, negative feelings will emerge. We all know that negative feelings are bad for a person's health.

I think as you get older you learn to forgive more easily. You realize that somethings aren't worth your time to dwell over. Maybe you realize time is short and there is no point in staying mad at someone. Maybe that's why older people are more happier? They have forgiven others and learned to live a happy life.

Day 119: Loyalty from friends

I realized today that there are friends that are loyal to you just because they have known you for a long time. I hung out with this one girl all thru high school. After high school, she moved away. It was about a month before our friends funeral (refer to Day 118 post) that she emailed me. She apologized for 'disappearing' for so many years. I accepted her apology. Since then we hung out. I would consider her my best friend. I told her so many things that I wouldn't tell anyone else. We would go watch movies. We would go for dinners. We would just go and do things together. Exactly last year I asked her to hang out on Christmas day because I know she doesn't celebrate Christmas. She never responded to me. I later found out she went snowmobiling with some guy on Christmas day. I thought the considerate thing to do would be to just tell me she was going out with someone or that she was busy. If you are busy, you can just tell me and we can plan something else another time.

My ex and I were having problems around Christmas time last year. January rolled around and we were still arguing. I think he was being spiteful when he told me that he was hanging out with my 'best friend.' What I didn't know was that they have been hanging out for few months. They were hanging out together alone without me knowing. I know they can be friends with whoever they want. I just don't think it's right to be hanging out with your friends boyfriend alone. The only reason why they didn't tell me that they were hanging out was possibly they were hiding something from me.

Another thing he told me when he was being spiteful was that she was only my friend because we have known each other for a long time. We didn't have lots in common but we had fun when we hung out. Does that mean her loyalty to me stemms from the lenght of time we have known each other not from the quality of time we have spent together? I haven't spoken to her since last Christmas. Is it really worth my time to establish a friendship with someone who isn't loyal to me for the right reasons?

Day 118: Who will be at your funeral?

My friend was the first to ask me this question years ago. I met him in high school. At our graduating ceremony, he won all the awards that were associated with academics and sportsmanship (he was a straight A student that played every sport). After high school, eventhough he was busy with work and school, he still managed to spend some time with me. It always seemed like he knew where he was going with his life. Every time we hung out, he always would say something that would motivate me or inspire me to do more with my life. He is the only one that I know of that had companies calling him to ask if he would want to work for them.

He grew up in Vancouver. After high school, he went to a local university for a few years then he moved to Toronto. When he was in Toronto, we communicated by writing to each other and later on, emailing each other. He was a student at Ryerson for a few years then he started teaching there. One of his favourite things to do was to ride his motorcycle. One day when he was riding with a bunch of his friends, tragedy struck. His motorcycle didn't work properly and he passed away. He was only 25 years old.

He had two services: one in Toronto and one in Vancouver. About 300 people came out to say their good byes in Toronto. I went to the one in Vancouver. There was about 300 people there also. I can't believe how many people came out when his service was held on a Wednesday at 10am. That many people had gotten the time off work and / or school to say their last good byes. We asked this question to each other when we were about 19 or 20. I don't think at that time he would ever imagine that many people would attend his funeral. He made an impact on everyone's life that he came across. If he didn't, they wouldn't be at his services. He lived life to the fullest extent never knowing when his last day will be. After his passing, Ryerson and his high school established scholarships bearing his name.

Who will be at my funeral? I am hoping my family for sure. I am hoping I make an impact in people's lives that they would want to attend my funeral.

Day 117: Appearances

In our society, people make judgment on your appearances. If I were to walk around in ragged clothes, people will think I am a bum. If I dress in a suit, people will think I have an awesome job.

I think I am pretty low maintenance. My hairstyle is pretty basic and simple: wash and go. No makeup in the mornings. I only wear makeup on special occasions like weddings. As far as jewellery goes, if I remember, I may wear a necklace to work. I have simple casual necklaces and have fancy sparkly ones for special occasions. I don't wear rings and earrings every day. I don't style my hair, wear makeup or wear jewellery because I can't wake up early enough to fit everything in.

Does not taking the time to make myself prettier effect how people view me? Will they like me less if my hair isn't as puffed up and pretty like theirs? Can anyone tell if I have makeup on? I am still me on the inside.

Most people will meet me on my relaxed and casual days. I would rather they meet me on a casual day then on a special occasion day. I want them to see the 'real' me and not the 'artificial' me first. I don't feel like I have to impress anyone. If a guy is already hanging out with the 'casual' me, I don't really think a bit of lip gloss will make any difference.

I have met some guys who are borderline metrosexuals. They use more skincare products than me. I don't know if it's embarrassing for me if a guy takes more time and effort on their appearances.

Day 116: 'You just know when you love someone'

The first time someone told me this it was 12 years ago. I was confused by this comment (apparently I get confused quite easily, so this isn't a surprise). How do you 'just know'? I couldn't ask her more about that because we were at work and it was hard to have that kind of conversation. From then on, it was a journey to figure out how you 'just know'. Do you meet someone for 15mins and know? Do you hang out with someone after a few dates and then you know? Do you know after you first kiss them? When is the point when you realize you are in love with them?

In my parents generation it was arranged marriages. They learned to love each other. Divorce wasn't/isn't in their vocab. It was/is very shunned upon. You just have to deal with each other's idiosyncrasies. You play the hand you are dealt.

Fast forward 30 years later in Canada. I have a choice on who to marry. There are so many different nationalities of men to choose from. I have dated younger guys and older guys. I have always ended up with guys who aren't right for me. Once little things start to get on my nerves, I know it's time to ditch him. Once I don't make time for him anymore, it's time to split up.

I can't say I've ever been in love before. I can just imagine how love will be like (maybe it's my high hopes and dreams what love will be like). When you see each other, there is feeling of elation. When you hold hands or cuddle with each other, there is a feeling of comfort and relaxation. Nothing matters in this world except you two. When you kiss, you have the sense of being connected to each other. The feelings intensify with the combination of kissing, cuddling and holding hands. You don't want the day to end. You just wish time can stand still for awhile so you can savour the moment just a bit longer. When the person leaves, you are counting down till the next time you see each other. When they are not with you, you replay all the joyous moments together and wishing they are in your arms. You are looking forward to trying new things together. It is a person that I would want to walk in the park with when I'm old and grey.

Maybe you 'just know' when you get that feeling in your heart?

Day 115: Jealousy

My ex from a relationship five years ago thought that a little bit of jealousy is a good thing. He said it shows you care. I was trying to understand his point of view. To me jealousy isn't a good thing. If you are a jealous person, it shows me that you are insecure and unable to trust. The jealousy may stem from previous broken relationships. Maybe you are afraid that it may happen to you again.

I think jealousy can be prevented. You can communicate about the situation and resolve the issue before it gets out of hand. I have to really think about why I am jealous. Is my guy hanging out with a girl? Am I jealous about the girl or about what my guy will be doing with the girl? Is he spending more time with his friends? Am I jealous about how much time they are spending together? If I am starting to feel jealous, I have to re-evaluate my feelings for that person. Maybe that person doesn't like me anymore and wants to spend more time with other people? Maybe there isn't anything to be jealous about?

Now I don't think it is worth my time to be jealous over anything. I think jealousy will take too much time and energy. If he's spending too much time with a girl I dont like, I have to ask him why he's doing that. I will have to trust his answer. I can't think of other scenarios where I may get jealous. If I am getting jealous over little things, maybe it's time to re-consider the relationship. If he is constantly doing things that he knows will get me jealous, it's time to kick him to the curb.

Day 114: Relationships

People have different expectations in relationships. Some guys want the girl to make the first move. Some girls want the guys to make the first move. Some think going dutch is ok. Some expect the guys to pay when they go out to eat. Some want the guy to drive them everywhere. Some it doesn't matter who drives.

Wow! This relationship thing is quite complicated. How do I know what the guys wants or expect of me? Sometimes they don't ask. I end up doing something silly in their eyes and soon we are broken up. What did I do wrong? I never find out cause we don't talk after we break up. I am only friends with some of my ex's. I don't develop a friendship with them until years after we break up. Then it doesn't really matter why we broke up. There is no point in re-opening old wounds.

Sometimes I just don't like the guys I'm dating anymore. It's really hard for me to just come out and say it. What do I say? 'I don't like you anymore'? What if they say 'why'? I don't have anything. 'I don't have feelings for you anymore'? Wow! That would be pretty harsh. What ends up happening is that I do things that break up the relationship. I know that isn't really a good idea. It's mean to carry on a relationship that isn't working. I know I have learned from that. I just have to see how I deal with my future boyfriends.

Day 113: 5th day in Hawaii

Today my friend was going to go climbing with his friends. I didn't want to go climbing. While he goes climbing, this was my last opportunity to go to Waikiki. My friend's friend was driving her mom and grandma to Ala Moana Center. I went along for the ride. There is a shuttle from Ala Moana Center to Waikiki. I took the shuttle to almost the last stop in Waikiki. I had my friend's Oahu Lonely Planet Handbook to help guide me. I was a bit hungry because it was about lunchtime. I saw a L&L Hawaiian BBQ restaurant. The day before a lady from my kayak group said it was a great place to get food. I decided to try it. I really had to go to the bathroom and L&L didn't have a bathroom in their location. They told me to go across the street into the trade center. While looking for the bathroom, I found The Shiatsu and Massage Center on the second floor. A few days prior I was flipping thru one of those visitor guide books and clipped some coupons. One of the coupons was for The Shiatsu and Massage Center. I bought the 1/2 Lomi Lomi Massage and 1/2 shiatsu. I have never had a shiatsu massage before so I didn't know what to expect. The Lomi Lomi Massage is a special massage from Hawaii. The atmosphere was very relaxing. They played slow soft nature like music. It was so tough to get up and get going into reality.

After my hour long massage, I was ready for lunch. At L&L I ordered a combo. It included bbq short ribs, fried shrimp, pan fried mahi mahi, macaroni salad and some rice. For $9, I could've had it for two meals. There was so much food! I brought the food to the beach. That way I can have my lunch and check Waikiki Beach while I was there.

Waikiki Beach was so busy. It is such a tourist destination. The many hotels are right on the beach. There were soo many people on the beach. Many were beach bums, just sitting soaking in the sun or reading. Families bring their kids. There were couples young and old. Some people just walk the beach. Some had their boogie boards. Some were surfers waiting for the waves. After I finished my lunch, I walked around the main street. There were so many expensive stores; Ferrari Store, Coach, Hermes, etc, etc. There were also areas where they had carts / kiosks selling different things ranging from souvenir t-shirts to jewellery to bags. I ended up buying a casual purse. It's black and has sillouette of palm trees. I continue my shopping go to my last shopping destination, Hilo Hattie.

Tonight was the nite we fly back to Vancouver. From Hilo Hattie, I took the shuttle back to Ala Moana. My friend picked me up there. We went back to the apartment. My friend's friend's mom cooked us some food before we went to the airport. That was my last day of twenty something degree weather. Back to the cold wet Vancouver weather.

Day 112: 4th day in Hawaii

This was the only day of the week that was pre-planned. Every other day was pretty spontaneous. We decided on what to do in the mornings. But this morning was different. My friends friend had been planning this since we got to Hawaii. This was the only day we could spend with her. She planned a kayaking excursion with a tour guide. It was an all day trip.

We had to be at the kayak location at 9 am. There were also a few other people in our tour group. There was 5 of us in total plus the tour guide. Once we all got there the tour guide taught us how to kayak properly and a few safety procedures. We got in the water and started to kayak. I was the lagger in the group. I didn't mean to be. Maybe I'm weaker than the others. Maybe the wind and water were againest me. Maybe I wasn't kayaking properly. At certain points we stopped and the tour guide explained to us about the history of Hawaii. We were heading to another small island. It is actually a bird sanctuary. We finally made it there. There were other groups of people there. Most of them were surfers wanting to catch the nice waves. We were supposed to go snorkelling. But our tour guide suggested we go kayak surfing. He had a tandem kayak and took one person at a time. I went first. He led us into the water and waited for a wave. Once the wave came, we rode the wave. It was fun and exhilarating. We caught a few waves. Then it was someone else's turn. After we went kayak surfing, it was pretty much the end of the day. We didn't end up going snorkelling. Then we had to kayak back to the island. This time I was still the lagger. I was tired and the wind and water were againest me.

We went back to the apartment to get cleaned up. Afterwards, we went out for dinner. We went to a restaurant called Big City Diner. My friend's friend said it is a chain restaurant and it's pretty good there. We shared two dishes. We ordered the kim chi fried rice and the full rack of guava BBQ ribs. Ohhh the ribs were soo good. It was a huge portion of ribs and small tiny side dish. The side dish was mashed potatoes. By the end of the day I was pooped.

Day 111:3rd day in Hawaii

I am sorry there are mistakes in this posts. It's A royal pain in the ass to fix. So just pretend you understand what I'm writiing. I've been using my friends itouch while we are in Hawaii. I don't think it likes blogger.com.icant seem to write in my blog. I've decided to write here for now until it get home. I didn't get a chance to write last night. Today is my fourth day but I'm going to write about my third day.

We started our day at about ten am. We went on a short hike. The person we are staying with took us to secluded hiking trail. It isn't a desinated hiking trail. It took us twenty minutes to get to our stopping point. It is launch station for people who parasail. It view was fantastic. We can see the ocean, the mountains , and little houses. It took us about twenty mins to hike down.

After the hike we wanted to go snorkeling at Hanauma Bay. We drove by at about one'ish. The parking lot was full and no where to park. We continued our drive up to the North Shore . the north shore is the place for surfers. There was a surfing competition there. I wanted to do some gliding and he wanted to do some hiking. The gliding and hiking place are close together. We drove by the norrth shore to get to the gliding and hiking places.
On the way there we had lunch at another shrimp truck.

Gliding was an experience. Why do I want too do things that scare me? Life is an experience. I get into a glider plane with a pilot. There is another plane that tows up into the air. The gliderplane doesn't have an engine we go up 3000 feet then we are released from the other plane. Then we just down. I paid for a twenty min ride. After 15 I was feeling a bit nauseated.and asked to come down. Man I as so sick when I landed.

After gliding I went to my very first luau. We went to germaines luau. I was wearing a floral. dress. the price included three drinks, dinner and a chance to win prizes. At the start of the luau the had a hula lesson. I went on stage with of other woman and practiced the hula. The food was good.after dinner they had performances of the various forms of island dances. Because it was held outside and I was wearing a dress the Mosquitos bit me. tonite I.am sitting here writing this and icing them to make sure they are gone by the time I get back to Vancouver.

Day 110: 2nd day in Hawaii

Today was a busy day for us. We went to many places and went for a long drive.
We started our day with Pearl Harbour. There is lots of history there. There was a twenty minute video on the history of pearl harbour. Then we went on a ferry to see the USS ARizona. It is an memorial for all those who lost their lives inthe uss Arizona .

We drove along the highway towards the North Shore. Our first stop was the Tropical Farms
Macadamia Nut Outlet. It wasn't one of our intended stop but it was really neat there . They had a daily tour at eleven am but we missed it. .we just walked afou d the gift shop and tried the various flavours of mac nuts .I tried the coffee and caramel flavoured covered mac nuts. We didn't buy any mac nuts there. They were too expensive.
We were hungry and wanted some lunch. We headed to the Shrimp Shack. We ordered crab cakes and coconut shrimp. Both were deep fried with coconut and served with rice. We accidently found the World Cup of Surfing. We stopped for a few minutes to watch . After that we headed to Waimea bay Beach Park . We went to play in the water for a bit. There were waves coming in. I would stand in the sand by the shallow end of the water and i would wait for the wave to hit me.it sounds weird but it was fun. We stopped to get some shaved ice at Matsumoto. It's a large sno cone . We finally made it to the Dole Plantation. It was neat to see how pineapples grow.
We went for sushi. Then we went outlet mall shopphing. I only bought a couple of items.

Day 109: 1st day in Hawaii

My very first day in Hawaii.it's very exciting . Everything is new and interesting .
We flew In at eight pm last night . We were hungry and headed out for some food. Afterwards we went to bubble tea joint.
I tried some shaved ice for the very first time. On the shaved ice we had green tea
ice cream, bubbles , mango, tea jelly , and red bean. It very tasty.

This morning we started our day late at ten am. The weather was weird.
It was super windy and showering. The weather kinda determined what we
were going to do. We decided on going to Diamond Head for a hike.
It was an hour hike going up and down. it was a great view at the top.

After the hike we went to grab some lunch.we heard about his place
that has macadamian nut pancakes . We shared the pancakes
and a breakfast dish with ribs.

We met up with my friend who lives here . We hung out at a lagoon
and I practiced my swimming. the water was so cold.

after swimming we went out for dinner. We went to place called Ono.
It has authentic Hawaiian food. It's a hole in the wall and it's good.

You have to excuse my typing. I'm using my friends Itouch and the buttons
are so small. I feel like I have fat fingers.when I make a mistake I
may be too lazy to correct it.